International Birds of Mystery
by transmutejun
Summary: What would happen if the movie Austin Powers were to take place in the Gatchaman-BOTP universe? Be warned: this is very silly and full of ridiculous humor!
1. Introduction

Introduction

Ken surveyed his team.

They were all in position: Ken and Joe behind twin pillars at the back of the room, close to Katse's chair. Jun and Jinpei were flanking them, at the ends of the room, hidden in shadows. Ryu was guarding the main exit.

There was no way Katse could get away now. He had slipped through their fingers too many times. _This _time, they had him.

They watched the Galactor leader enter the room, green-suited minions bowing and scraping before him. Ken nodded at Joe.

"Groovy!" Joe mouthed to Ken.

Together, they jumped into view, spraying bullets from the guns in their hands. Katse ducked and ran to the side of the room, where Jun leaped out of the shadows and dealt a quick side kick to his ribs. Falling onto the ground, Katse rolled away, only to come face to face with Jinpei, who pointed a gun in his face.

"You're finished, Katse!" the youngster cried.

"Not quite, Mister Swallow!" the purple-clad villain exclaimed. He dashed to his chair and sat down, activating a hidden button.

"Come, Mr. X!" he commanded, as a small bird with an extremely large head waddled up, only to be grabbed just as a silver compartment began to surround Zoltar.

Ryu ran up to the chair, arriving a moment too late to grab Katse as silver doors closed and the words 'Cryogenic Freezing Beginning' appeared on the device.

The Groovy Ninja Team fell backward as the room began to rumble and shake. Before their astonished eyes, they saw the silver capsule shoot up out of the room.

"Looks like Katse gave us the slip… this time…" Ryu said.

"This time?" cried Jinpei, "He _always_ gives us the slip!"

"But we stopped his evil plan to take over the world!" Ken said. "That's what matters, dig?"

"Besides…" drawled Joe, "What else would an evil nemesis do? If he didn't escape, we'd be out of a job."

"And now…" grinned Ken, "Since the mission is over…"

A flash of light signaled his de-transmutation, and four other flashes quickly followed. Clad in his usual blue velvet suit, Ken smiled winningly at Jun as he scooped her into his arms. He leaned her back, her psychedelic miniskirt swishing, before he gave her a big kiss.

"Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?" he asked huskily.

"You make me horny, Ken." Jun flirted, "Let's shag now!"

"It's party time!" Joe shouted, as hidden doors opened up to let in hundreds of shagadelic women. Colored light flashed, the strains of Soul Bossanova were heard, and suddenly Katse's former base was the site of a groovy swingers club.

Joe saw Ken exit with his wife, presumably to take her up on her suggestion. Frankly, Joe preferred the variety of birds he saw around him. Easy prey for _this_ swinging Condor.

Jinpei and Ryu were already in the middle of the dance floor, their yellow and green velvet jackets swirls of color among the sea of go-go boots and day-glo wigs.

Joe sighed. 1967 was _definitely_ the year of ultimate grooviness.

88888

As Ken and Jun lay together, exhausted by the throes of their passion, Ken's necklace began to beep. He picked up the male symbol medallion and pressed the tip.

"This is Ken. What is it, Doctor?"

"It would appear that Katse's escape was more serious than we thought." Nambu explained. "It seems that his cryogenic freezing device was placed into a mecha in the shape of Bob's Big Boy."

"Wild…" mused Ken. "So he's hungry now?"

"Not only that," Nambu continued, "but the mecha was sent into space. We suspect that at some time in the future, Katse will return to Earth, assume a new identity, and resume his plans for world domination. With the cryogenic freezing, he would not have aged, and would be able to continue his plans for many years."

"We have to stop him!" Ken cried.

"I'm with you, Ken!" Jun added.

"Gather the team." Nambu ordered. "Meet me at IGO Headquarters in one hour."

"Right away, Doctor!" Ken replied.

88888

Exactly one hour later, the Groovy Ninja Team was gathered in Dr. Nambu's office. Ken and Jun reclined on a circular couch, while Jinpei and Ryu sat in egg-shaped chairs. Joe leaned against the wall as usual, in his trademark pose, checking his chest hair darts to ensure that they were properly concealed in his red velvet sleeve.

"As you know," Doctor Nambu began, "It is the job of the International Groovy Headquarters to ensure peace and love throughout the planet. Now, that mission is in jeopardy, because of the cryogenic freezing of Katse."

"I don't understand…" Jinpei protested. "If Katse is frozen, isn't that just as good as his being gone? Galactor is useless without him!"

"Except that he's not gone." Nambu explained. "He could re-appear at any time. It might be soon, or it might be many years into the future."

"How many years?" Joe asked.

"It could be decades." Nambu revealed. "He may try to wait until he is certain that you are all dead, and then return to Earth to resume its conquest."

"So what do we do?" asked Jun. "We can't just let him return, even if we _are_ dead."

"I have a plan." Nambu stated. "You're not going to like it."

The Groovy Ninja Team gasped, as one.

"We need to send two of you into the future, in cryogenic sleep, to be re-awoken when Katse appears. The remaining three will stay here, in 1967, prepared to fight Katse if he shows up now."

"That sounds like a good plan, Doctor." Ken replied. "But who is to be frozen, and who is to stay behind?"

"I have chosen you, Ken, and you, Joe, to be put into a state of cryogenic sleep, for re-animation in forty years."

"Forty years?" exclaimed Joe, "what makes you think Katse will wait that long?"

"Analyzing the trajectory of his Big Boy mecha, it appears that the most opportune moment for a future landing will be at that time." Nambu explained. "It is very likely that it he _does_ wait for decades to re-appear, that will be the time."

"But… Jun!" Ken protested. He put an arm around his wife. Damn, she made him horny in that groovy miniskirt.

"Jun needs to stay here, in 1967." Nambu said firmly. "She is best equipped to lead the team in your absence."

"Don't worry, Ken." Jun said softly, "Our love can wait, to save the Free Love of the entire world!"

"But Jun… you're one happening bird!" Ken exclaimed. "How will I live without you for forty years?"

"You'll be sleeping, Ken!" Joe exclaimed. "It's _Jun_ who'll be doing the waiting!"

"Just think of the reunion we'll have, Ken." Jun purred.

"Yeah, Baby!" Ken cried. "We'll shag like minxes!"

Jun traced the glittering number 1 embroidered on the lapel of Ken's velvet jacket.

"I'll be waiting…" she promised.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The moment Ken regained consciousness, he asked for Jun.

"Where is she?" he cried. "I want to see my wife!"

The administrator shook his head. He looked a lot like Dr. Nambu, and apparently was some kind of relation. His name was Chief… Chief Anderson.

"I'm sorry, Ken." he said sorrowfully. "Jun underwent the cryogenic freezing process one month after you and Joe did. She decided that she couldn't wait to see you. Galactor activity had dwindled to nothing, and Dr. Nambu decided that the risk to the Free World of having her frozen was negligible."

"Unfortunately…" the mustached man continued, "the timers on her freezing device were set incorrectly, and she woke up twenty years after she was put to sleep, instead of forty. We were going to put her back to sleep, when we discovered that she was pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Ken felt himself becoming faint.

"Yes…" Chief Anderson confirmed. "We decided that it was too dangerous to risk the freezing process again while she was expecting, so Jun had the baby before resetting herself for another twenty years of cryogenic sleep. She's due to wake up in about nine months."

"I want to see her!" Ken demanded.

"Calm down, Ken." Joe said. "Jun's alive, and she'll be with us in nine months, In the meantime, you're a swinging bachelor again!" Joe grinned. Ken had definitely been a _lot_ more fun as a swinger.

"Jun is my _wife_!" Ken growled through gritted teeth. "I am _not_ a swinger anymore Joe, so just get your mind off of that idea. I will not shag anyone but my wife! Dig?"

"But you're horny, just thinking of her, aren't you?" Joe drawled.

Ken grimaced. Joe knew him too well.

They were led to one of the many non-descript cryogenic sleeping capsules. Ken put his hand on the glass and melted away the top layer of ice so that he could see Jun's face.

"Soon, Baby." he whispered, "Soon we'll be together again."

"Speaking of babies…" Joe grinned, "Whatever happened to it?"

Ken's head snapped up. He had forgotten about the baby in his concern for Jun.

"She was raised by Jinpei and Ryu." Chief Anderson explained. "Jun felt that she could entrust them with the care of her child."

"She?" Ken exclaimed. "I have a daughter?"

"Yes." Anderson confirmed. "In fact, she works for us. You'll meet her shortly."

"What about Jinpei and Ryu?" Joe asked.

"Unfortunately, they were killed a couple of years ago in a mysterious fishing accident." the Chief said, shaking his head. "They fell into the water and were swarmed by mutated, ill-tempered sea bass."

"Sounds like the work of Galactor!" Ken cried.

"We thought the same thing." Anderson confirmed. "We have had 7-Zark-7 tracking the Big Boy Mecha constantly since that time. We believe it landed somewhere in Nevada only two days ago."

"7-Zark-7?" Joe asked. The name was strange, and unfamiliar.

"7-Zark-7 is the robot that mans our Center Neptune Station." the Chief explained. "He monitors the planetary systems around Earth for signs of trouble."

"This future will take some getting used to…" Ken shook his head.

"Let me introduce you to the rest of your team." Anderson chuckled, guiding them into a small room and inviting them to sit down.

Ken and Joe sank into the proffered chairs.

"We've undergone some changes in the past forty years." the Chief explained. "About ten years ago we became the subject of hostile activities from a planet known as Spectra. It seems that the remaining Galactor members fled Earth after Katse froze himself, and populated this planet. Now they are using it as a base to attack the Earth. When Dr. Nambu passed away eight years ago, I was made Chief of Intergalactic Security in his place."

"So Katse went and got himself an evil planet… and all while he was flying around, frozen in space." Ken mused.

"Heavy… Sounds like we'll have to blow it up with a few Super GMs!" Joe rubbed his hands gleefully.

"Unfortunately, even Super Groovy Missiles lack the power to eradicate an entire planet." Anderson replied. "And even if they could, there are innocent civilians on that planet who do not deserve to be obliterated."

"They need to be free to live in peace, love and grooviness, eh, Chief?" Jason winked. "I think I could spread some of that around…."

"Seems being frozen for forty years hasn't made _you_ any less horny either." Ken smirked.

"We will still have a ninja team to combat the evil of Galactor… now Spectra." the Chief continued, disregarding Ken and Joe's commentary, "although we have changed its name to Groovy-Force… G-Force for short."

"I'll be happy to show the shagadelic Spectran birds some 'groovy force'." Joe drawled.

"Oh, behave!" Ken laughed.

"We've kept the team to three members." Anderson added. It was obviously taking an enormous effort for him to ignore the behavior of his two newest agents. "In anticipation that you two would join."

"Sign me up, Chief!" Ken said. "That's what we're here for!"

"I didn't get frozen for nothing! Dig?" exclaimed Joe.

"Good. I'm glad that's settled." Anderson said. "But there is one thing…"

"What's that?" Ken asked.

"We're going to have to change your names." the Chief replied. "We want to keep your existence in this timeframe a secret for as long as we can. Starting now, you will be known as Mark Turner." he nodded at Ken.

"Mark, Turn-Her over and have a good time." Joe snickered.

"And you will be known as Jason Danger Powers." finished Anderson in a strained voice. He really couldn't comprehend how Nambu had been able to accomplish anything with these two.

"So… Danger is my middle name?" the Condor grinned.

"You should start using your new names immediately. From now on you are Mark and Jason, collectively known as Team MoJo."

Mark and Jason sniggered, while Chief Anderson rolled his eye. Oh, how his patience was about to be tested.

"Now, let me introduce you to the final member of your team." Anderson said, opening a door. Mark gasped as Jun entered.

"But… you said Jun would be frozen for another nine months!" he cried.

"This isn't Jun." smirked Anderson, pleased to have, at least momentarily, gotten a leg up on these two reckless young men.

"Pleased to meet you… Dad." grinned the Jun-look-alike, holding out her hand. "I'm Princess."

The Eagle looked as if he were going to keel over from shock.

"Well, isn't this a _fascinating_ surprise." drawled the Condor.

"Likewise, I'm sure…" replied Princess flirtatiously, looking him up and down. "It's going to be a pleasure working with you… Jason." She slowly ran her tongue along her lower lip.

Apparently she liked what she saw.

"I'll bet she shags like a minx!" Jason elbowed Mark.

"That's my daughter you're talking about!" yelled Mark, a vein throbbing at his temple.

"Even better, then…" smirked the Condor.

88888

The evil Big Boy mecha was _finally_ buried. Katse couldn't believe how long it had taken his idiot minions to cover it up. Had he come to the future only to find incompetence?

Never mind. While he had decoy soldiers attacking the Earth from Spectra, he would establish a new secret evil headquarters here in Nevada. No one would ever know that he was now operating an evil plan for world domination from within… not until the time was right.

He would re-invent himself as Earth's new leader. Now that the Groovy Ninja Team was gone, there was no one to stop him. He cackled maniacally as he walked into his evil conference room.

Slowly, the purple-garbed evil one surveyed the captains seated around the evil conference table. At the position to his right was his evil sister, Frau Mala. She looked as if she hadn't aged a day in the last forty years. At his left was Cronus, his Number Two. Although he looked much older, his evil black eyepatch remained the same.

Katse sat down, reaching for Mr. X and placing it in his lap. He absently stroked the deformed bird's head with a purple-gloved hand as he began to speak.

"Greetings!" Katse called to the assembly. "I have returned, and am to begin my life's purpose anew!"

The captains oohed and ahhed appreciatively.

"From this day forth, I shall be known as… Dr. Zoltar…" he grinned evilly. "Those who are loyal to me, and prove themselves worthy, shall have their just rewards. Those who only give me failure…" he glared at two of the captains at the end of the table, "will be dealt with appropriately."

Swiftly, he pressed an evil red button at his fingertips and the evil chairs in which the two captains were sitting tilted backward, depositing the men through magically appearing evil trapdoors into fiery pits beneath.

"And now that we understand each other…" he smiled, "Let's discuss my evil plan."

"We are waiting, Doktor." Frau Mala said expectantly.

"In three days, the nation of Utoland will be transporting a nuclear weapon to the new city of Jutland. We will… liberate… the weapon, and threaten to launch it into the Earth's mantle unless the Federation agrees to pay us…" he held an evil purple pinky to his glossy lip, "one _million_ dollars!"

The faces around the table stared at him in shocked silence. They were obviously impressed with his evil plan.

Number Two coughed politely.

"Uh, Dr. Zoltar…" Cronus said quietly.

"What is it?" Zoltar whirled in his chair toward his minion, his fist clenching a handful of Mr. X's feathers. The bird squawked in protest. "Look what you made me do!" he growled evilly.

Number Two's face paled, but he continued.

"One million dollars just isn't that much money anymore." he explained. "Why, construction of your evil secret headquarters alone, will cost at least two billion dollars."

"I see…" muttered Zoltar. "Why didn't anyone inform me of this? I've been frozen for the last forty years! Out of the loop! Throw me a frickin' bone here, people!"

"All right…" he continued angrily, "We will threaten to launch it into the Earth's mantle unless the Federation agrees to pay us…" again he held the evil purple pinky to his glossy lip, "one hundred _billion _dollars!"

The captains around the table smiled and nodded their evil approval.

He didn't need their approval. He was Dr. Zoltar, greatest evil mind of all time!

"You love, me, don't you Mr. X?" he murmured to the evil pet in his lap. Mr. X gave a throaty twirp in response.

"Doktor," Frau Mala interrupted his evil communion with the bird-like creature, "ve haf some news for you."

"What is it?" asked Zoltar.

"Do you remember ven you were preparing to be frozen, you gave us a sample of your semen, and told us to create offspring if you never returned?" Mala asked.

"Yes…" Zoltar could see where this was headed.

"Vell, ve couldn't vait…" she admitted, embarrassed. "About twelve years ago, ve created your son."

"I have a son?" Zoltar exclaimed. Mr. X fell off of his evil lap with a loud squawk as the purple leader stood up in excitement.

"Yes… _but_…" Mala said hesitantly…

"But?" Zoltar screamed, "Why is there _always_ a but?"

"The boy has a speech impediment… korrectable… but it hasn't been fixed… yet."

"Where is the boy?" Zoltar asked evilly.

A door opened to reveal a bucktoothed youth with a mop of messy, brown hair.

"Brrt… who the… doot… heck… are you?" he asked, squinting at Zoltar.

"I'm your Dad, son!" cried Zoltar. "I'm Dr. Zoltar!"

"Brrt… absent father? Doot… not what I need!" the boy sniffed.

"Keyop!" Frau Mala hissed, "Show your fazer more respekt!"

"Come here, son!" Zoltar insisted, "Give me a hug!" He held out his purple arms.

"Brtt… get away from me… creep!" Keyop cried, dodging Zoltar's attempts to embrace him. "Don't touch me!"

He dashed from the room.

"It vill take time…" Mala reassured her brother.

"He had better come around…" Zoltar muttered, "Or else…"


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Federation Council was holding its regular secret weekly meeting in its secret meeting room. Security guards were posted at all entrances.

Chief Anderson arose to speak to the Council, which included President Kane.

"Our scientists have confirmed that the Big Boy mecha landed in the deserts of Nevada, close to the mountains and the city of Las Vegas." he began his report, "But unfortunately, we have lost track of it. We are convinced that Katse has a secret base somewhere in the area, but so far have been unable to find it."

"What do you plan on doing, then?" asked President Kane.

"We have successfully managed to re-animate the first two Groovy Ninja Team members, and have integrated them into the new G-Force trio." Anderson replied. "Team MoJo, along with the new Swan, have been assigned the task of locating and infiltrating Katse's new base."

"We have received some disturbing news from the country of Utoland." Kane stated. "Apparently one of their nuclear weapons went missing enroute to its destination in Jutland. Do you think…."

"It _could_ be the work of Katse…" the Chief mused.

Just then, the secret communications monitors in the secret meeting room lit up with the image of a purple masked villain.

"How did you get this frequency?" sputtered President Kane.

"Mere child's play for my evil organization." the figure laughed evilly.

"Katse!" Chief Anderson cried.

"Not quite…" Zoltar laughed evilly. "My name is Dr. Zoltar…"

"It doesn't matter what you call yourself." said Anderson grimly, "You're still evil! We will stop you!"

"Who will stop me?" Dr. Zoltar cackled. "Now that your precious Groovy Ninja Team is gone, there is no one to thwart my evil plans!"

The Council gasped.

"We have control of the missing nuclear weapon from the country of Utoland." sneered Zoltar. "And unless you meet our evil demands…"

"What _are_ your demands, Mr. Zoltar?" Kane asked.

"Mister???" screeched Zoltar, "It's _Doctor_ Zoltar! I didn't go to evil graduate school for four years to be called _Mister_ Zoltar!"

"I apologize, _Doctor_ Zoltar." Kane corrected himself. "What exactly are your demands?"

"We will destroy the Earth with this nuclear weapon in seven days, unless you agree to pay us… one _million_ dollars!"

The Council laughed heartily.

Zoltar stamped his foot in frustration.

"Frickin' idiots…" he muttered.

"We will destroy the Earth with this nuclear weapon in seven days, unless you agree to pay us… one hundred _billion_ dollars!" Zoltar corrected himself.

The Council gasped, as the secret communication monitors went blank.

88888

Chief Anderson had determined that the Big Boy mecha had landed in Southern Nevada, and he had ordered the team to investigate the area, beginning with the city of Las Vegas.

The G2 mini-Cooper really was only built for two, so Princess had volunteered to travel with Jason while Mark took the G1 Harrier. Her G3 Galacticycle wasn't ready yet.

Mark was more than slightly miffed that Princess obviously preferred Jason's company to his. After all, _he _was the father she had never met… didn't she want to get to know him? Besides, it bothered him that she was interested in talking to Jason… he knew from personal experience what kind of man he was… the kind of man Mark used to be…

"Man, I am _so_ cheesed off right now!" he muttered to himself.

"Di' someone say _cheese_?" asked a voice with a thick Scottish accent.

Mark nearly jumped through the roof of the Harrier cockpit. Sitting in the co-pilot's seat was a large man in a kilt, who bore an amazing resemblance to Ryu.

"Who… who are you?" Mark asked, certain that the man had not been there a moment before.

"I'm known as Fat Bird… but meh friens call meh Tiny." the man volunteered with a big smile.

"But… what are you doing here in my plane, man?" Mark was confused.

"Well, tha Chief asked meh ta follow yew." Tiny explained. "He wanted meh to keep an eye on Team MoJo… jus' in case, yew unnerstan. But he tol' meh not to interfere wit anythin' yew were doin'… jes ta report ta him if yew needed help."

"So you've been here the whole time?" Mark asked, astonished.

"Well, I'm pretty good a' hidin' an' such…" Tiny smiled proudly. "Tha's why tha Chief asked meh ta do this. I wouldna come out a' all except tha yew mentioned cheese…" The Fat Bird looked around expectantly.

"I'm afraid I don't have any cheese." Mark said, a bit taken aback. "I was just talking to myself."

"No cheese? But meh belly is empty…" sighed Tiny. "Yew got anything else ta eat?"

"Uh…" Mark dug a small packet of crackers out of the glove box. "Will this do?"

"Yeh… fer starters…" mumbled Tiny as he shoved the crackers in his mouth. "Why were yeh talkin' abou' cheese anyhow?" he asked, crumbs falling out of his mouth.

"I was just thinking about Princess." Mark sighed. "She's down there…" he gestured to the mini-Cooper on the highway far below them, "with the Condor… and I'm worried about her."

"Ah... tha Swan…" Tiny nodded knowingly, "She's a righ pretty lil' thin'… I'd love ta eat her up… jump in mah belly sweet thin'…." he grinned.

"Hey, that's my daughter you're talking about!" Mark growled.

"Time ta go!" Tiny said quickly, realizing his error.

When Mark turned his head a second later, there was nothing to be seen. Somehow, the Fat Bird had become completely invisible.

"Damn if the guy doesn't know how to hide…" Mark muttered to himself. But thinking about Tiny didn't help. He was still worried about Princess.

He gritted his teeth, thinking of the conversation in the mini-Cooper on the ground below him.

88888

"Your driving skills certainly live up to their reputation, Jason." observed Princess, as the G2 tore down the highway at nearly 200 kilometers per hour.

"That's not all that lives up to my reputation." Jason grinned at her. Damn, she looked shagadelic in her tight leather catsuit. Plus, as an added bonus, he knew that having her in his car was driving Mark wild.

Princess arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him, a slow smile moving across her face.

"I may just have to call you on that…" she smiled.

"You can call me anytime, Baby." he replied.

"You have my number too, Jason." she tapped her bracelet communicator. Jason had one as well. He and Mark had been allowed to keep their velvet suit civvies, but Chief Anderson had insisted that they upgrade to the more modern bracelet technology for their communicators and transmutation devices.

"I've got your number, Princess…" he drawled, "But what would your Daddy think of our little conversation?"

"Daddy dearest?" Princess laughed. "What right does he have, to have any control over _my _life? It's not like he's ever been around for me. All I know about him is that he was apparently _so_ shagadelic that Mum froze herself rather than stay with me." She grimaced at the unpleasant memory.

"Oh, so it's revenge you're after…" Jason grinned wickedly. "Then count me in. I've been wanting to get that stick out of Mark's ass for awhile now…"

"Not exactly _revenge_… I want to get to know him and all… he _is_ my father…" Princess mused, "But I don't think he should have any say in how I live my life."

"And how _do_ you want to live your life, Princess?' Jason asked.

"I'd like to live my life to the fullest…" she murmured thoughtfully. "Experience new things…"

"I can certainly help you there…" Jason drawled. "I'm _very_ experienced."

Princess turned to stare at his profile as the landscape went whizzing by. She reached out her hand, and lightly ran a pink fingernail down the side of the Condor's cheek as she leaned toward him.

"It's certainly a good place to _start_…" she whispered in his ear.

"Oh, behave!" he grinned wickedly.

Princess' laughter tinkled down the desert highway behind them.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Condor and the Swan walked into the lobby of the Paris hotel on the Las Vegas strip. All around them, tourists gawked and slot machines sang their siren song amidst French cafes and exclusive boutiques.

"Oh, I feel more Continental already…" Princess sighed.

"I could certainly go for some French… activities…" Jason smirked.

"Enough time for that later, Sweetie." the Swan chided. "Right now we have to rendezvous with Daddy Dearest and organize our reconnaissance."

"There's always time for shagging when you're an Intergalactic Bird of Mystery…" Jason protested, but Princess didn't hear him. She was already activating her bracelet communicator.

"Groovy Three to Groovy One, we are in the lobby. Repeat, we are in the lobby. Your location?"

"Groovy One is enroute from the airport." came Mark's voice. "Be there in five minutes, dig? Over and out."

"Well then…" Jason grinned, as he pulled Princess towards the closest bar, "I guess we have time for a drink…"

88888

The brown-haired youth glared at the wall as he waited for the counselor to arrive. He had only agreed to attend these sessions at the insistence of his Aunt Mala.

"Brrt… don't want… doot… to be here!" he muttered, kicking the desk in front of him.

"Well, this isn't any fun for me either!" Zoltar hissed at his son. "Frickin' idiot therapists… think they can read my mind… they have no idea what evil plans I have in store…"

"Shut up!" screamed Keyop, "Just… shut up… brrt… about your… doot… evil plans… already!"

The counselor entered the room at the conclusion of this outburst.

"Well…" she said smoothly, "I can see that I have my work cut out for me."

She sat down calmly behind her desk and opened a file folder, perusing it briefly before looking at the two people in front of her.

"We'll start with you, Keyop." she said, after a brief pause.

"Why does _he_ get to start first?" whined Zoltar.

"Because I said so." explained the therapist.

Keyop smirked.

"Brrt… he shows up… doot… after being frozen… my entire… beep… life."

"Frozen… interesting imagery there, Keyop." the counselor interjected, "Please continue."

"Brrt… wants me… doot… to be evil too!" the youth cried. "Don't… beep… want to! So, he… doot… tried to… brrrt... kill me!"

"Kill you… isn't that a little extreme?" the therapist asked.

"No…" interrupted Zoltar. "The boy is quite astute, just like his old man. I _have_ tried to kill him, but he seems to have the reflexes of… a swallow…"

The counselor's face had a blank look, as if she wasn't sure how to process this information. After a moment, she turned to Zoltar.

"And what about you, Doctor Zoltar? How do you feel about your son?"

"Well, he was created without my knowledge, and he can't even frickin' talk right…"

"Brrrt… shove it!"

"Shhhht!" hissed Zoltar at Keyop, closing his fingers together to indicate a 'shut up' sign.

"Doot… but…"

"Shhhht!"

"Brrrt… don't let me…"

"Shhht!" Zoltar repeated, glaring at his son, "And shhhht again! That was a pre-emptive shhht…"

Keyop glared at his father.

"It's my turn, damnit!" Zoltar cried. He turned to the counselor.

"Do you see the kind of insolence I have to put up with? All I'm looking for is to have him show a _glimmer_ of interest in what I do! But when I try to talk to him about my plans…"

"Brrt… your _evil_ plans…" Keyop muttered.

"And what's wrong with world domination?" Zoltar yelled. "Everyone's got to have some goals in life! What will I have to leave you when I'm gone, if not the World?"

"You're… brrrt… doing this… doot… for _me_?"

"Yes, son…" Zoltar said. "Of course, I'm doing it for _you_! I want you to be happy…"

Keyop snuffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve.

"Brrrt…. Dad…" he sobbed as he reached out to hug Zoltar, "No one… doot… ever did anything… beep… like that… for me…"

"Son…" Zoltar said, embracing Keyop, "I just want to give you the World…"

"Well, I can see that _my _work here is done…" said the therapist smugly.

"Not quite…" Zoltar smiled evilly, turning his head to gaze at her. "I think you've heard too much of my evil plan…"

"Doot… yeah!" cried Keyop, pulling a gun out of his waistband. "Can't have you… beep… stopping my Dad!"

Zoltar grinned.

"That's my boy!"

88888

Mark entered the lobby of the Paris Hotel, looking for his teammates. He found them at the bar, sipping French wine. Princess had her hand on Jason's arm, while his other hand was brushing her thigh.

Mark approached them angrily, just in time to hear Jason speak.

"Do I make you horny?"

"You had better not!" Mark exploded as he descended on their pair with the rapidity of the Eagle for which he was named.

"Well, if it isn't Mister Stick-in the-Mud…" Jason drawled. "Did the G1 have a hard time keeping up with us?"

"He's just trying to protect me, Jase." Princess said soothingly, "Even if he _is_ nineteen years too late." She turned to look at Mark, trying to gauge the impact of her words.

"I appreciate that you're my father." she said to the Eagle, "But you don't have any right to tell me what I can and can't do."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do." said Mark, although he desperately wished that he could do just that. "I just don't think you realize… what kind of reputation the Condor has."

"You mean, the _same_ reputation _you_ used to have?" Jason pointed out. "Before you married Jun, that is."

"You… you gave up… being a swinger… for Mum…" Princess said quietly.

"Yes." Mark replied, "When I met her, I just didn't want to be with anyone else."

Princess' eyes softened.

"I… I hope I can have that one day too, Dad." she said quietly. "I guess… she felt the same way… that's why she wanted to be with you…"

"You look just like her." Mark said. "So beautiful… so full of life… looking at you, I'm reminded of how much I miss her."

"Oh, Dad!" Princess said, hugging her father tightly.

"Just when did I become part of this sap scene?" Jason grimaced, as Mark gave him the finger behind Princess' back.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That evening, the three G-Force members entered the casino. Mark and Jason were dressed in their usual blue and red velvet suits, and Princess was attired in a stunning emerald evening gown. The Swan graced the Eagle's arm, while the Condor stalked angrily behind them.

"Going solo isn't my bag…" he muttered grimly, wishing he could throw a few chest hair darts at Mark's back.

Mark ignored Jason's comments and led the trio toward the High Rollers' area of the gaming tables. As they walked by the boutiques, a small shop caught Jason's eye.

"Hmmm… French chocolates…" he mused, "Maybe a sweet gift for a sweet Swan…"

"Di' someone say, chocolates?" asked a large man in a red kilt.

"What the hell?" asked Jason, surprised. Where _had_ that guy come from?

"Tiny!" Mark exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm still tailin' yeh." Tiny answered. "Jus' like tha Chief ordered."

Princess turned to look at Tiny, and her eyes widened.

"You're… you're the Fat Bird!" she exclaimed. "I've heard of you. They say you can melt into the shadows!"

"Thar's no one better." Tiny smiled proudly. "But it's powerful hungry work… di' I hear someone say, _chocolates_?"

Jason, still confused, indicated the Chocolate Boutique with a small movement of his arm.

"Ah…" Tiny sighed, "Jes' wha I was lookin' fer. Lil' chocolates, get in mah belly…"

And with that, the Fat Bird vanished.

"Where did he go?" asked Jason, looking around.

"Just be glad he's on our side." Mark smirked at being one up on the Condor.

They resumed their course to the gaming tables.

Arriving at the High Rollers' area, they saw an older man with a black eyepatch seated at one of the tables. His companion was a striking blonde woman.

Mark gasped. The man looked just like his father, Red Impulse.

Princess gasped as well, but for an entirely different reason.

"I recognize those two!" she whispered. "They are known Spectran operatives!"

Casually, Mark sat down at the table with the two operatives, his companions hanging back.

The Eagle looked over at the pair, and spoke.

"Allow myself to introduce… myself." he said smoothly. "My name is Ace Goodheart."

"Nice to meet you… Ace…" said Number Two with a knowing smirk. "I am Colonel Cronus, and my associate here is Frau Mala."

"A pleasure… Ace." said Frau Mala, raising her hand to Mark.

The Eagle took her hand with a flourish and placed a small kiss on it, trying not to grimace as he did so.

"A Colonel…" he said, raising his eyes to Cronus "in which army?"

"I'm retired now." replied Number Two in an amused voice, just as Mala curtly responded, "Zat is klassified information…"

Mark smiled slowly.

"I see…" he said. "Would you care to join me in a game?"

"I kannot." Frau Mala replied frostily. "I haf ozzer matters to attend to." She rose from her chair.

"But surely you, Colonel…" insisted Mark.

"Yes…" smiled Cronus evilly. "I think I can… indulge… you. But be warned, I prefer more _exotic_ games. Contests of skill, rather than chance."

"I can handle anything you can, Colonel." said the Eagle, his eyes flashing. Under the table, he sent a silent message over his bracelet to the Condor. He didn't have to look over his shoulder to know that Princess and Jason would be following Frau Mala.

"Excellent…" replied Number Two. "This way then, if you please." He held out his arm, indicating the direction in which Mark should walk.

The Eagle followed the Colonel over to a small doorway, nearly blocked by the burly security guard in front of it. Upon seeing Cronus, the guard immediately stepped aside and allowed the two men to enter.

"Ah… a true test of a man's skill." Cronus grinned, eyeing the table in front of them. "Ping pong!"

"Ping pong?" asked Mark, surprised.

"Don't tell me that you can't handle it, Ace." Cronus needled the Eagle.

"No… not at all." Mark replied. "Let's begin."

88888

"We've got our orders, dig?" Jason whispered to Princess. "Let's go!"

Princess nodded almost imperceptibly, then quietly began to follow Frau Mala from a distance. Jason admired the way she was able to keep herself concealed by the tourist crowds, yet keep her target in sight. She was a consummate professional.

Not to mention, one happening bird.

They tailed Mala to the elevator, remaining in the lobby to monitor the floors at which Mala's lift stopped.

"Got it." Jason said to Princess. "31st floor."

"Right. Let's go." replied the Swan.

In the elevator they transmuted to Birdstyle, then when they reached the 31st floor they cautiously peeked out.

The hallway was empty.

"Damn!" Jason swore. "How are we supposed to know which one is Mala's pad?"

"I think I know…" Princess grinned. She pointed at the suite at the end of the hallway.

The last door on the left-hand side had a large Spectran devil symbol on it.

"Heavy! Katse…Zoltar… whatever his name is… has never been known for his subtlety!" Jason laughed.

But Princess was already thinking about their next problem.

"This looks like a pretty complicated lock…" she mused. "Still…."

Kneeling down, she slowly untwisted the antenna from the back of her helmet. The end of it was sharp and flat. Inserting it into the lock, she maneuvered the tool a few times while Jason nervously looked up and down the hallway.

With a quiet click, the lock opened.

"Prin, I could kiss you!" Jason whispered happily.

"I may just take you up on that…" she murmured, as she stood up and replaced the antenna.

Standing on either side of the doorway, Jason used his fingers to silently count down.

Three… two… one…

The Swan and the Condor burst into the room, weapons at the ready.

It was empty.

Sheer curtains fluttered in the night breeze. A few shards of glass remained in the window frame. Princess ran to look out, just in time to catch a glimpse of a whirling, circular ship moving away.

"Damn! We missed her!" she said angrily. "It looks like she left with her Galaxy Girlbots."

"Galaxy Girlbots?" Jason asked, confused.

"Don't ask." Princess replied. "You don't really want to know…"

"The location of Dr. Zoltar's secret base must be in here somewhere!" Princess whispered, changing the subject.

"I'm on it, Baby!" Jason replied, as he slowly ran his hands over the walls and furniture, searching for a secret compartment. Before long, the Condor found what he was looking for. A small safe was located behind an insipid landscape painting.

"Outta sight…" he whispered to himself as the Swan approached behind him. Removing her helmet, she leaned her ear to the safe and slowly turned the dial. In a couple of minutes the safe was open, and the pair were looking over the documents it contained.

"There!" exclaimed Jason triumphantly, as he pointed at a topical map of Southern Nevada. "That must be the location of Dr. Zoltar's secret base!"

"I agree." Princess said. "And look at this…" She indicated another sheaf of papers.

"It looks like they're planning on dropping the nuclear weapon into the Earth's core, destroying the entire planet!" she exclaimed. "We _have_ to stop them!"

"We have time." Jason said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "The launch isn't scheduled for two days."

"We'll have to find Mark and leave first thing in the morning, when the new Phoenix is delivered." she resolved.

Their reconnaissance complete, they left the room.

A little too late. As they exited, a security guard spotted them.

"Wait!" he cried, running up to them.

"Hurry!" Princess hissed, grabbing Jason's hand as they fled for the elevator. They reached it just in time to see it shut in the guard's face as he reached for his walkie-talkie.

Quickly, Princess pressed a number of floor buttons on the elevator panel.

"To confuse them, so they don't know where we got off." she explained to Jason.

The Condor silently nodded. This groovy bird was impressing him more and more every second. Damn, he was horny.

They de-transmuted, and were almost at their floor when the car started slowing down for a stop.

Princess roughly pulled Jason close to her and leaned back in the corner of the elevator car, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his mouth to hers, just as the doors opened.

The kiss was unexpected, but by no means unwelcome. Jason felt an electric attraction between them.

'Far out…' he thought.

"Awww…. it's just some horny couple!" they heard a guard announce to his comrade. "Groovy-Force must be somewhere else."

The doors closed again as Princess giggled.

"It's amazing how well that always works…" she laughed.

"Wait a minute…" Jason sputtered, realizing the implication in her words.

But he never got to express that thought.

"Let's go lose ourselves in the casino." Princess suggested. "I'm sure Dad will be occupied for quite awhile, and I don't want to contact him in case we break his cover."

"I dig…" Jason smiled. There certainly _were_ perks to being an Intergalactic Bird of Mystery.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Mark was sweating. He hadn't anticipated Cronus' skill with a ping pong paddle. They had been playing for hours, but no matter how hard he tried, the Colonel always seemed to slip shots past him, leaving the Eagle panting and running for the other side of the table.

"I thought you'd actually offer me some competition… _boy_…" Cronus sneered. "Instead I find a pathetic, sniveling excuse for a man…"

"Insults aren't my bag, man." Mark replied through gritted teeth. It was taking all of his concentration to keep track of that little white ball.

Cronus smashed his paddle downward one last time, his shot bypassing the table and hitting the wall.

Mark was amazed. It was the first shot the Colonel had missed all night.

"I really thought you might be worthy of my challenge." Cronus looked down his nose. "I expected much better from… the Eagle."

Mark gasped. His cover was blown!

Quickly, he looked around for an exit. Glancing at the wall, he noticed that the spot where Cronus' ball had hit contained a large red button.

The alarm had been triggered.

Mark launched himself at the Colonel's head with both feet. Number Two dodged the maneuver easily and grabbed the Eagle's ankles, twisting them until Mark fell, bruised, upon the floor. Cronus threw himself on top of his opponent, throwing punch after punch.

Just then the door opened and Frau Mala entered.

"Vat haf ve here?" she sneered. "A little Eagle, so easily kaptured…"

Mark spat in her face. It was not an easy task, given that he was pinned on the floor underneath the Colonel.

"Let him go, Number Two…" ordered Mala. "I haf somezink far more interestink for zis skum!" She placed a sharp kick into Mark's ribs as Cronus got up.

A hidden opening appeared in the opposite wall, and Mark found himself quickly ejected into the alleyway next to the hotel. He slowly pulled himself to his feet, only to hear Frau Mala laughing at him.

"Enjoy my girls, Mister Eagle." she cried, "Zey will be zee last _birds_ you ever see!"

He looked toward the sound of her voice only to see a car containing Cronus and Mala speeding away into the night.

Great. His cover was blown and they were getting away. He transmuted to Birdstyle, preparing to follow his quarry.

Just then he heard footsteps. He looked over to see a gorgeous blonde woman in a beehive hairdo and hot pink catsuit approaching him from behind. He whirled to face her.

"Want to have a little fun?" she purred.

"Sorry…" replied Mark, turning to go, "I'm a married man."

He looked back at her, only to see that the woman had not ceased in her advance.

"I'm sorry." he repeated, "I'm not interested…" His voice trailed off as he saw four more identical women approaching behind the first.

The woman in front paused only a couple of feet from him, her companions right behind her.

"I'm sorry." she said, mocking his own words, "You don't have a _choice_."

Two small, metallic tubes emerged from each girl's breasts and began emitting clouds of pink gas.

The Eagle backflipped out of range of the gas, then flew up the side of the building, leaping from window ledge to window ledge.

The girls began to climb the wall beneath him. Damn, they were fast!

Mark desperately looked for a way into the building. Unfortunately this was a luxury hotel in the middle of the desert. Air conditioning was expensive, and all of the windows were hermetically sealed. And even the fancy suites didn't have balconies.

Then the Eagle spotted what he was looking for. About fifteen stories above him there was a broken window.

Quickly, he made his way up the outside wall of the hotel, until he had reached the window. Slipping inside, he looked down.

The girls were only three stories below him, and closing in fast.

With their unnatural speed, not to mention the gas weapon in their chests, he doubted that they were human. More likely they were some kind of robots. What a drag.

Glancing around the room, he saw a few subtle indications that it had recently been searched. No wonder the window was broken.

Moving swiftly to the door, Mark was about to open it when he heard muffled voices from the hallway on the other side.

"It's been a few hours, and still, no sign of them!"

"It looks like Groovy Force got away! Damn! How do they always slip through our grasp?"

Mark smiled to himself. At least he knew who had been searching this room.

"All the same, we'd better remain alert." the voices continued.

"Yeah, we don't want Frau Mala to think we're not doing our jobs! Who knows when she may come back?"

At least Mark knew that Frau Mala wasn't coming back. But it appeared that his departure from this room wouldn't go unnoticed either.

Just as he was formulating a plan to subdue the guards, one of the girls climbed in the window.

"We just want to play…" she purred, crooking a long finger topped with a blood-red nail in a 'come hither' motion.

"And what if I want to play _my_ game?" smirked the Eagle.

"We're ready…" whispered the woman seductively. Her companions had all climbed in through the window and were now surrounding Mark. One of them reached for a digital audio player on a nearby table and turned it on. The room was filled with the soft sounds of Barry White.

"We thought… that before we killed you…" the first woman said in a husky voice, "we could all get to know each other a little better." She walked across the room with an enticing gait, and leaned in under the Eagle's visor, searching for his mouth with hers.

Mark gritted his teeth. This could _not_ be happening.

Then an idea flashed through his mind. He could fight fire with fire.

Gently pushing the girl away, he took off his helmet and began to sway seductively to the music. He shook out his long, dark hair.

"Oooh…" murmured the girls appreciatively. They were spellbound.

He still had some swinger left in him. Even if he normally only did this for Jun. He closed his conscious mind, and pretended that she was his only audience.

He de-transmuted in a flash of light, timed perfectly to the romantic tune in the background. Glancing flirtatiously at the girls, he slid his jacket off of his arms.

"Aaaaaahhhh…" sounds of appreciation echoed around the room. Bright electric sparks flew from two of the girls' ears. The remaining three reached out to touch Mark, as if they were groupies, and he was a rock star.

He _was_ a rock star. He twirled, slithered and swayed, oozing sex from every pore, letting the spirit of Barry White take over his movements. Soon his frilly white shirt had been discarded, and then his pants, and soon he was wearing nothing but his Speed Racer Underoos.

He licked his finger, then touched it seductively to his nipple. The girls swooned at his feet.

As he danced, one by one the girls' heads exploded in a shower of sparks and smoke, until only their leader was left. Shaking her head, she suddenly broke out of Mark's spell and saw what had become of her companions.

"No…" she whispered. "We cannot fail…"

Mark knew he had to act fast. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips to those of the robot girl. Her eyes rolled back into her head and smoking wires popped out of her hair.

But he was a little too late. The pink gas she had emitted at the last second overcame him, and the Eagle slumped to the floor, surrounded by the mechanical remnants of his would-be attackers.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Excuse me, Sir."

The obsequious employee, dressed in a natty suit, tapped Jason's shoulder gently.

"What is it?" the Condor asked. He was in a good mood, so he decided not to break this man's fingers for daring to interrupt him.

Everything had been going his way, ever since he and Princess had entered the Casino after leaving the elevator. They had played a handful of games, and Lady Luck had been with them. Jason had been winning, every time. As Fate smiled on his more and more, he had increased his stakes until he had earned a small fortune from the hotel.

Through it all, Princess had been by his side. It certainly didn't hurt his mood, having the gorgeous, raven-haired beauty on his arm, her emerald dress clinging to every fabulous curve. She was one shagadelic bird, and only added to his grooviness.

Somehow, the kiss between them in the elevator, despite its practical purpose, had broken down an invisible barrier between them. The Condor found himself reaching for the Swan whenever they weren't in contact, and noticed her doing the same. For the last few hours they had brushed fingertips, intertwined arms and pressed their bodies together in the ever-increasing crush of humanity that had gathered to witness Jason's ongoing winning streak.

"It is late, Sir…" the man said. "You must be tired. We here, at the Paris Hotel, would like to offer you the use of our Napoleon Suite for the night."

Jason looked down at Princess' glowing face. She smiled flirtatiously at him.

"Yes…" he drawled, "I think that might be a good idea…"

No sooner had he said the words than they were surrounded, a bevy of well-dressed employees escorting them to the elevators. To his amusement, they were back on the 31st floor, only heading in the opposite direction from Frau Mala's room.

Jason and Princess were ushered into a gorgeous suite covered with gleaming hardwood floors and luxurious French fabrics. An incredible grand piano was the centerpiece of a living room that overlooked the Las Vegas version of the Tour Eiffel.

"Jason, look!" Princess cried in excitement as their escorts departed. "Champagne! And strawberries…"

"Di' someone say, _strawberries_?" asked an eager voice.

"They're not for you!" snapped Jason at the suddenly visible Fat Bird. "Why don't you take the night off and make your way to the buffet?"

"Buffet, eh?" mused Tiny, apparently not taking any offense to the Condor's sharp tone. "All righ'… see yew in tha mornin'."

In the blink of an eye, he was gone.

"And now that we're alone, my pretty bird…" Jason grinned at Princess, "Let's enjoy all that my winning streak has to offer."

He held a hand out to her, and led her into the spacious living room. Almost as if by magic, the lights dimmed, and an anonymous announcer's voice came out of the shadows.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen… Burt Bacharach!"

A spotlight lit up the grand piano, and the famed singer was indeed playing a slow, sexy dance tune upon the instrument.

Jason pulled Princess into his arms, and swayed with her to the music. His moves, his touch, his eyes, were full of promise.

The mood was complete as Burt began to softly sing.

"Dare da, dare da, dare da…"

When the dance was over, the spotlight disappeared, and there was no further sign of the musician. Gracefully, Jason reached for the champagne and popped the cork with practiced expertise. Pouring two glasses, he offered one to Princess by linking his arm through hers.

"Oh my…" she giggled, eyes wide.

Together, they walked through the spacious three-bedroom suite, finally arriving at what was obviously the master chamber. It contained the most enormous bed either of them had ever seen.

"Far out…" Jason whispered, walking up to the bed and sitting down on its edge. He looked up to see Princess still standing in the doorway, suddenly shy.

"Come over here…" he drawled invitingly. "I won't bite… hard…"

She smiled at his witticism, and slowly walked over to sit down beside him.

"You know, Condor…" she whispered in his ear, "My father warned me about men like you."

"Oh, he did, did he?" Jason smirked.

"Well, actually…" Princess grinned, "He only warned me about _you_…"

"There's nothing to worry about, Baby." he promised. "You're in expert hands."

"That's partly what has me worried." Princess pointed out.

"Don't I make you horny?" Jason asked her directly.

"Damnit… yes!" she smiled. "I just… have to wonder what will happen in the morning."

"In the morning, we're going to find Dr. Zoltar's secret base, and save the World, Baby." Jason replied softly. "And if I die tomorrow, I want my last memories to be of this night… with you."

To his surprise, Jason found that he was telling the truth. As a sexy swinger, he had used that line many times before, but never with any sincerity.

Until now.

Looking into an incredible pair of trusting emerald eyes, he knew that he meant every word.

"I want to be with _you_, Princess." he whispered, bending his head down so that his lips could trace the graceful line of her neck as it merged into her shoulder. "Only _you_…"

Princess tipped his face up to look at hers again, he eye scanning his face, searching for some hidden meaning. After a long moment she spoke.

"I believe you, Jason." she said quietly. Then she placed her palm on his cheek, and their mouths met in a fiery kiss.

88888

The morning sunlight streamed through the sheer curtains and into the room, making Princess' skin glow with a soft light. Jason lay next to her in the enormous bed, gazing at the sleeping Swan with a bemused look, occasionally dropping soft kisses onto her bare shoulder.

He supposed that he should let her get some rest. They certainly hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. He grinned at the memory. The Swan had proven to be as bewitching and inventive in bed, as she had been in Birdstyle.

He knew that she had ruined him for any other bird. No one else could ever compare.

Damn, he was horny again.

"Let's shag, Baby." he whispered into her ear.

Eyes still closed, Princess gave a satisfied smile.

"Haven't had enough, Condor?" she smirked.

"I don't think I could _ever_ have enough…" he said seriously.

"You read my mind…" she answered.

She turned around and slipped her arms around his neck as his hands traced the soft curves from her breast, down past her hips.

Things were just getting interesting when they were interrupted by the insistent beep of their bracelets.

Sighing, Jason activated his communicator.

"Groovy Two, here." he said.

"Condor, the new Phoenix should be arriving at your location within the next few minutes." came Chief Anderson's voice.

"Understood, Chief." Jason answered.

"I have been unable to contact the Eagle." the Chief continued. "Rendezvous with him and access the Phoenix. You will find it in the parking garage in spot 321."

"I can dig it. Over and out." Jason ended the communication. He looked at Princess.

"I think we need to find out what's happened to your Dad."


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"What?" shrieked Dr. Zoltar as he paced around his evil conference room. "What do you mean, they're _gone_?"

Frau Mala shrank before her brother's withering glare.

"Zee Galaxy Girlbots haf not reported in, Doktor." she repeated, hanging her head. "I kannot kommunikate vit zem. I suspekt zat zey haf been destroyed."

"How could this happen? Imbecile! Don't you have any frickin' brains?" Zoltar raged.

"And _you_…" he growled, turning to Cronus. "My Number Two… you had the Eagle in your grasp, and you _let_ him get away!"

"I apologize, Doctor." the Colonel excused himself, "But it was Frau Mala's responsibility to see that her Galaxy Girlbots…"

"Silence!" screamed Zoltar. "Someone has to pay for this incredible screwup!"

He swung his angry gaze back and froth between his Number Two and his sister, his hand hovering over the evil red buttons that controlled the chairs in which they sat. His eyes narrowed as he made his evil decision.

Cronus' evil chair flipped backward to deposit the Colonel into a fiery pit below the floor. His screams echoed throughout the evil conference room.

Frau Mala looked up gratefully at her brother as the evil flames surged, then died down.

"Zank you…" she whispered.

"Now…" Zoltar ordered, ignoring his sister's sniveling gratitude, "In order to defeat Groovy Force we must…"

"Help!" The muffled cry interrupted the purple-garbed leader's speech.

"What _is_ that?" hissed Zoltar.

"It's me!" came Cronus' voice. "I'm not dead…"

"Not dead?" screeched Zoltar.

"No… but I'm very badly burned…" moaned Cronus. "Please help…"

Angrily, Zoltar activated his evil communication device.

"Yes, Dr. Zoltar?" came the immediate response.

"The Evil Fiery Pit of Death is malfunctioning!" Zoltar complained.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" asked the evil minion.

"It's Number Two… he's _not_ dead! Just very badly burned."

"We're on it!" promised the minion. The evil communication was closed.

"Now then..." Zoltar sighed. "As I was saying…"

"Ah… you're here! Good!" Cronus' voice came from the pit. "Please help…"

His voice was cut off as a shot rang out.

Zoltar smiled.

"Now, back to my evil plans…"

"You shot me!" the Colonel screamed. "You shot me in the knee! What are you…"

Another shot rang out.

Zoltar and Frau Mala waited breathlessly, but even after a few moments, there was only silence.

"I'm surrounded by frickin' idiots…" Zoltar muttered.

88888

Mark regained a semblance of consciousness as the bright sunlight in his eyes forced his mind to awaken. Remembering the attack of the night before, and the loss of his cover, he knew he had to contact his teammates.

Still weak and groggy, it took all of his strength to bang his wrist against the floor to force his bracelet to emit a Birdscramble.

88888

Princess noticed her bracelet lighting up just as she was zipping up her black leather catsuit. It was convenient having civvies that transmuted into three different outfits.

"Jason!" she cried, "It's Dad! He's sending a Birdscramble!"

"Outta sight!" Jason replied. "Can you track it?"

"Yes." confirmed Princess. "It seems to be close by. Follow me!"

They left the Napoleon Suite, only to trace the Birdscramble down the hall… to Frau Mala's room. Fortunately, the guards seemed to have disappeared overnight.

The door was still unlocked from their previous visit the night before.

In a bizarre mirroring of the night before, both the Condor and Swan burst into the room, weapons at the ready.

Their jaws dropped to the floor as they saw Mark, wearing nothing but his Underoos, struggling to sit up amongst the various charred mechanical remains surrounding him.

Jason slowly processed the scene in front of him.

"Speed Racer, huh?" he smirked.

"Shut up, Jason." Mark moaned, holding his head in his hands.

"I guess it's better than Power Rangers…" Princess grinned.

"I'll have you know, your Mum _loves_ Speed Racer…" Mark retorted.

"That would fall into the category of things I _really_ didn't need to know…" muttered Jason.

"I see that you ran into the Galaxy Girlbots." Princess noted. "Good work, Dad."

"Thanks…" groaned Mark. "Now can you help me find my pants?"


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

As soon as they found the remainder of Mark's clothing, the G-Force team went to the parking structure to search for the Phoenix.

"Number 321…" reminded Princess, as they walked through the garage. It turned out to be a well-hidden spot, which was probably prudent.

Upon finding the correct location, the team was surprised to see a bright blue VW minibus with shiny red pin-striping and flame decals decorating the sides.

"Far out!" said Mark and Jason, simultaneously.

"So…. who's driving?" asked Princess slyly.

A mischievous look came into the Condor's eyes.

88888

They quickly made their way out to the highway, where the Condor proceeded to ignore all posted speed limits, despite the Eagle's protests.

"Hey, we have to get to Dr. Zoltar's base as quickly as possible, don't we?" grinned Jason.

"Yes… but in one piece!" cried Mark.

Princess sat between them, ignoring their bickering and instead concentrating on giving directions to Jason, based on the information they had gathered the previous night.

"Take that exit." she pointed. "Over there."

"Are you sure?" Mark asked her. "That looks like a pretty remote area."

"Well, Dr. Zoltar probably isn't interested in having a base in a more well-trafficked location." Princess huffed.

"She has a point, Mark." Jason sided with Princess.

"Since when do you agree with anyone?" questioned Mark. He looked from Condor to Swan, and back again. Princess had a certain _glow_ about her, and Jason had the appearance of the cat who had swallowed the cream.

"No…" the Eagle shook his head in horror, "You didn't…"

"Yeah, man…" Jason grinned. "I shagged her rotten!"

"Jason!" Princess hissed.

"What?" the Condor asked in confusion. "It's not like he wasn't going to find out anyway. And this way…" he had a wicked gleam in his eye, "I get to see his face."

Mark's face was indeed a sight to behold. It had drained of all color and his jaw was halfway to his feet. A thin stream of drool was working its way down to his lap.

"Ewwwww… Dad, close your mouth!" Princess protested.

Mark closed his lips automatically, but he continued to glare at the Condor.

"You bastard!" he spat, "You took advantage of her! Of _my_ daughter! You don't care that she's going to be flipping her wig when the next sexy bird catches your eye!"

Princess wiped her face.

"Dad, this saliva thing is getting out of control!" said Princess in a slightly disgusted voice, moving a little further away from her father.

"And who says that another bird is going to catch my eye?" retorted Jason. "Princess is clever, she's resourceful, she's beautiful, and she shags like a minx! What more could I possibly want?"

"Oh, Jason…" Princess gushed, leaning her head on the Condor's shoulder.

"You mean…" said Mark, aghast, "That you're _serious _about her? That you and she will be…" he couldn't say the words, but gulped instead, "…for the foreseeable future?"

The couple grinned foolishly and nodded at him.

"A hell of a lot longer than that, if I have any say about it." added Jason, as he reached over to squeeze Princess' thigh.

"Oh, no…" Mark groaned, his head in his hands. "It's worse than I thought…"

88888

They were miles away from the Interstate in an otherwise deserted area, when suddenly a jeep appeared out of nowhere behind them.

"I think we've got company!" Jason declared.

Mark and Princess looked back. There was no mistaking the green uniforms the men in the vehicle behind them wore. Even as they surveyed their pursuers, four more jeeps appeared in the sand dunes surrounding them.

"Time for some evasive maneuvers!" ordered Mark.

"I dig, Commander!" Jason replied, pressing a button on the dashboard.

An oil slick spilled out behind the minibus. The first jeep spun out of control, only to crash into a ditch at the side of the road in a burst of flames. The other four jeeps continued their advance, easily dodging the slick their fellow goons had so kindly pointed out to them.

"We need something else!" Princess reported.

"I know…" Mark replied, pressing another button.

A few dozen sharp caltrops scattered along the roadway behind the Phoenix. Two of the jeeps managed to avoid them, but the other two were not so lucky. These two vehicles immediately lost air in all of their tires. One skidded to a stop, a shower of sparks spraying along the ground as their rims met the pavement. The other attempted a similar maneuver, only to slide into the other stopped jeep. The two vehicles exploded in a giant, orange-red ball of fire.

"Two left!" Princess cried.

Mark frantically searched the dash, looking for any more buttons to push. There were none. Apparently they had used up their entire bag of tricks.

"Aren't there any Super GMs on this thing?" Jason asked in frustration.

"No… I'm pretty sure Chief Anderson said those wouldn't be installed until next week..." replied Princess calmly. "But I think this is ready…" She reached for a shiny lever, pushing it all the way to maximum.

"Fiery Phoenix!" she announced.

"Outta sight!" cried Mark and Jason.

The minibus turned into a fiery bird, illuminating its interior with a soft orange light.

Jason spun the minibus around and set an intercept course for the closest jeep. They had a split second to see the shocked look on the goons' faces just before they crashed into them, leaving behind a blackened, smoking, twisted mass of metal.

"One more to go!" whooped Jason, aiming for the remaining jeep.

The last vehicle had apparently realized what they were in for, and had stopped in their tracks. As they saw the burning minibus turn toward them, their tires squealed as they desperately attempted to flee.

Too late. The Fiery Phoenix blasted into them, leaving behind a massive wall of flames.

"That was far out!" Mark yelled excitedly.

"I think we _all_ make a great team." Princess said smugly.

"You're right, Poppet, we do." said Mark, putting a fatherly arm around his daughter.

88888

Three hours later, with no further incidents, they were still driving in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. The only distinguishing feature was the Sierra-Nevada mountains, which had first appeared as a small bump on the horizon, and were now looming in front of the Phoenix.

"Dr. Zoltar's secret base _must_ be around here somewhere." said Jason. "This was definitely the area indicated on that map."

"But where is it?" Mark asked, confused. "I don't see anything except those mountains!"

"That's _exactly_ what I see." replied Princess. "Take a closer look, guys."

As they stared at the mountains in front of them, the closest peak seemed to take on a more recognizable shape.

"Why… it's Zoltar!" Jason gaped.

The mountain in front of them had been shaped into a gigantic replica of the Spectran leader's face, mask and all.

They had found Dr. Zoltar's secret base.

Hiding the Phoenix behind some rocks, they made the final approach to the base on foot, after transmuting into Birdstyle.

"Uh, Dad… have your teeth gotten bigger?" Princess asked.

"Yeah… they're kind of… ugly…" Jason said.

"Mind your own business." Mark huffed.

Princess decided to ignore her father's dental problems.

"So how do we get in?" she asked.

"Up there." Mark pointed. They were standing right underneath the part of the mountain that represented Zoltar's nose.

Jason shrugged.

"It's not my bag, man, but if you really want to check out Zoltar's boogers…" he said.

Princess shook her head and rolled her eyes, then pulled a makeup compact out of her belt pouch.

"Baby, you know how I dig the way you look," Jason said, "But is now really the time…"

Princess gave him a withering look.

"Men…" she grumbled, as she snapped a hidden cord out of the compact and threw it upward.

The compact stuck to the underside of Zoltar's nostril, above them, the cord dangling in the Swan's hand.

Jason's face broke into a big grin.

"I_ knew_ there was a reason I loved you, Baby…"

Mark grimaced, but managed to keep his cool.

"Coming, gentlemen?" Princess asked with a smile.

Wrapping their arms around each other, the compact cord was retracted, and the trio slowly began to rise up into Dr. Zoltar's secret base.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Once inside, G-Force quietly crept through the base, avoiding both guards and security cameras. They didn't want to alert Zoltar to their presence.

"What's this?" Jason asked. "This doorway looks suspicious…"

"What makes you think it looks suspicious?" asked Mark.

Jason gestured toward the door in question.

Emblazoned on the front in bright red were the words:

**Top Secret! G-Force, Do Not Enter!**

"I guess we've found it, then." Princess grinned, kissing Jason on the cheek. "Nice work, Condor."

Mark merely rolled his eyes as they slipped through the door.

The three of them gasped in shock as they saw what lay inside.

"Heavy…" breathed Jason.

The room was an arsenal. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of missiles were stacked in neat rows from floor to ceiling.

And each one of those missiles looked exactly like 7-Zark-7.

Mark supposed that it wasn't too much of a stretch. He had always thought that the robot guardian looked a lot like a missile.

_Exactly_ like a missile…

"We have to warn the Chief!" he cried.

88888

"Groovy One to Chief Anderson! Urgent!" came the frantic voice from Anderson's communication device.

"What is it, Mark?" the Chief responded, wondering what had gotten the Eagles panties in such a twist.

"7-Zark-7…" said Mark breathlessly, "He's… he's a bomb!"

"What?" exclaimed Anderson, "A bomb? Did I hear you right, Groovy One?"

"Yes! He's going to explode! Evacuate! Now!"

Just then, the entire Center Neptune complex rocked violently, throwing the Chief across the room. He scrambled to reach the emergency alarm system.

"This is _not_ a drill!" Anderson announced into his communications microphone, "All personnel evacuate Center Neptune, immediately!"

He had never liked that damn robot.

88888

"Do you think the message got through to the Chief?" asked Princess, concerned.

"I _think_ so…" Mark said. "In any case, communications seem to be down now. Hopefully that means that everyone is abandoning the base."

"In the meantime, it's our job to stop Dr. Zoltar's plan to detonate that nuclear weapon in the Earth's mantle." Jason reminded them. "His deadline ends tomorrow, so we have to make sure we find that missile _today_."

Mark nodded.

"You're right, Jason. Let's get out of here." the Eagle said, moving toward the door.

But just as they reached it, a brown-haired youth appeared in front of them.

"Brrrrt…. know who… doot… you are!" he cried. "G-Force!"

"Jinpei?" asked Jason, confused.

"Beep… what are you… brrrt… doing here?" Keyop asked, his eyes narrowing.

"We're trying to stop Dr. Zoltar from detonating his stolen nuclear weapon in the Earth's mantle and destroying the planet." Princess explained.

"Doot… thought so…" Keyop grinned evilly, as he pulled the alarm.

88888

Less than a quarter of an hour later, the three G-Force members were sitting in Dr. Zoltar's evil conference room, surrounded by at least a dozen green-suited goons pointing evil rifles at their heads.

"You won't get away with this, Dr. Zoltar!" protested Mark, struggling against his bonds.

"And who's going to stop me?" laughed Zoltar, Mr. X cradled in his arms. "Now that my son has turned you over to me, there's no one left to thwart my plans for World Domination!"

"You don't actually expect the Federation to _pay_?" Jason asked angrily.

"No, Mister Condor, I expect the Federation to _die_…" Zoltar hissed.

"What are you going to do with us, you monster?" spat Princess.

"I have something _special_ in mind for you three…" Zoltar gave an evil smile. He gestured to a blank wall, which slid smoothly aside to reveal a small platform suspended above a water tank.

"I'm going to leave you there…" he pointed at the platform. "You will be lowered into this pit filled with man-eating sharks with lasers…" The water in the pit splashed, and the G-Force team could see the laser-bearing sharks swirling just below the surface.

"Isn't that… brrrt… kind of… doot… complicated?" Keyop asked. "Just… beep… shoot them!"

"Shoot them? How crude." Zoltar responded. "They need a slow, torturous death to remind them never to fight me again!"

"Brrt… but… if you shoot them…" Keyop protested, "Beep… they will never… doot… fight you again…"

"Nonsense!" Zoltar dismissed his son's opinion. "It's obvious you have a lot to learn about becoming an evil mastermind, Keyop."

The Doctor waved his hand, commanding his guards to take Mark, Jason and Princess over to the watery pit.

"Guards!" he ordered, "Load them onto the unnecessarily slow-moving platform and get back here!"

"Now," Zoltar continued, barely paying attention as his foes were escorted away from the evil conference table. "Let's discuss some changes to my evil plan…" He pressed an evil button, and the wall panel between the evil conference room and the evil shark pit began to close.

"Brrrt… wait!" cried Keyop, "Doot… aren't you… beep… even going to watch them… die?"

"No…" explained Zoltar patiently. "I'm going to just assume that my evil plan has been executed as I have instructed and take it for granted that they die."

Keyop's face was a mask of confusion.

"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," Zoltar cast a dark look at Keyop, "I think we need to move up the launch date of the missile. Now that G-Force has found us, you can bet that Federation forces won't be far behind. We will launch the missile in two hours!"

"Brrrt… finally…" muttered Keyop, "A… doot… decision that makes… beep…. sense…"

88888

The unnecessarily slow-moving platform continued its inexorable descent toward the evil shark-infested waters below.

"What are we going to do, Dad?" cried Princess. She struggled against the chains connecting her to the platform.

"Well, first, we need to think of a way to defeat these sharks…" Jason muttered.

"Sharks…" Mark said thoughtfully. "Sharks… are delicious… shark steaks… shark teriyaki… shark tempura… sushi!"

"That's it, your old man's gone insane." Jason whispered to Princess.

"Di' someone say, _sushi_?" came a familiar voice.

"Tiny!" Mark exclaimed, "We need you to eat those sharks down there! Just watch out for the lasers…"

"No problem, Commanner!" the Fat Bird replied. He dove into the water, his kilt flying.

"I guess the rumors about what a Scotsman wears under his kilt are true…" grinned Jason.

Princess had a queasy look on her face.

The watery pit turned into a churning, seething mass of froth, laser blasts, growls and squeals. Finally the waters cleared.

A large hand emerged, followed by the rest of the Fat Bird's body. He sluggishly pulled himself out of the pit, breathing heavily. At last he rolled over, and gave a giant burp.

"Tha was delicious!" exclaimed Tiny.

"Thanks, big guy!" Mark smiled. "We owe you one!"

"Naw… I owe yew one." protested Tiny. "After all, yew tol' meh abou' this great sushi…"

Princess finally managed to free herself from her chains. Pulling out her arms, she quickly worked Jason and Mark free of their bonds.

When they turned around, Tiny was gone again.

"We have to find that nuclear weapon!" Mark declared, picking up a discarded laser gun and holstering it.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Okay, this _has_ to be it." Jason insisted. "We've checked every other doorway in this crazy pad!"

"Okay, let's go." Mark replied. Pulling open the door, the three ninjas slipped inside.

They were standing in a giant control room at least ten stories high. In the middle, the missing nuclear weapon was suspended, nose down, over a hole that went deep into the ground. On a platform high above the missile stood Dr. Zoltar, Keyop, and Frau Mala. Hundreds of green-suited goons swarmed around the platform, and the launching area.

It only took one sharp-eyed goon to notice them.

"Groovy-Force!" the soldier cried.

"I _told_ you, Dad!" Keyop poked his father.

"Kill them!" Zoltar cried, ignoring his son's comments.

The guards ran toward Mark, Jason and Princess.

"I love this part…" grinned Jason. He whipped a handful of chest hair darts out of his belt and threw them in rapid succession at the nearest goons, with pinpoint accuracy.

"Teeth Rang!" screamed Ken, pulling the false malformed appendage out of his mouth and sending it to slice the necks of another dozen soldiers, before returning to his outstretched hand.

"Compact Strike!" shouted Princess, sending her weapon into another horde of approaching goons and exploding them to bits.

Together, the three of them cut a wide swath through the green-uniformed army. Jason pulled out his cable gun while Mark made good use of his appropriated laser weapon. Jun slipped a ribbon out of her hair from underneath her helmet and electrified it, throwing it into the approaching minions to devastating effect.

Slowly, they waded through Zoltar's soldiers until they finally stood at the foot of the platform upon which the purple-clad villain stood.

"You're too late, Groovy-Force!" the Doctor sneered. "I have already begun the final launching sequence. There is no abort button! You cannot stop my evil plan now!" He pointed toward a giant countdown clock that was ticking off the seconds until the Earth's destruction.

10… 9… 8…

"Nooooooo!" screamed Ken.

"We have to stop it!" cried Princess.

7… 6… 5…

Jason pulled out his last chest hair dart, and threw it at Zoltar's control panel where it slipped inside the machine.

4… 3… 2…

The countdown clock stopped.

"What?" screeched Zoltar, frantically checking the readouts from his panel. "That dart… it somehow slid into the control mechanism and jammed it!"

He turned toward the three ninjas, his eyes flashing with rage.

"Damn you, Groovy-Force!" he spat, before snatching up Mr. X, turning, and running out of the room through a heretofore hidden exit.

"Brrt… Dad… don't leave me!" cried Keyop, sobbing frantically in Frau Mala's arms.

"It is okay, Keyop." she said angrily, "He alvays does zis, but _I_ vill be here for you, I promise…"

"That dart won't hold forever!" Jason informed his teammates. "We have to destroy this place!"

"The Zark bombs!" Princess exclaimed.

The three Groovy Ninjas ran for the arsenal.

88888

A loud eruption of sound echoed throughout the hallways of the evil complex.

"Urrrrrrrppppppppp!"

"What was that?" asked Mark, startled, just as a large, kilted man turned the corner in front of them.

"Oh! There yeh are!" exclaimed Tiny.

"Tiny, where have you been?" asked Princess.

"Well, after tha appetizer of shark sushi, I foun' this lil' barbeque pit, an insi' was mah entrée…" he explained.

"Entrée?" asked Jason, confused.

"Yeh… thar was a big helpin' o' Kentooky Fried Cronus…" Tiny grinned. "Tastes like chicken…"

Mark turned a delicate shade of green.

"Let's just find that arsenal…" he muttered.

88888

Five minutes later the entire Groovy-Force Team was fleeing Zoltar's secret base as fast as they could, Princess' explosives having been set for detonation within the stockpile of Zark missiles. Mark drove the Phoenix as fast as possible while Jason and Princess were on the lookout for signs of trouble.

Only seconds before the bombs were set to go off, they saw the rock mouth on the Zoltar mountain crumble, to reveal a shiny metal escape pod in the shape of the Doctor's lips.

The glossy mini-mecha zoomed off into the sky, just as the base exploded in a spectacular display of fireworks.

"Trust that slimy bastard to always get away…" Mark muttered.

His teammates didn't hear him. They were too busy making out on the shag carpet in the back of the minibus.

Mark looked sadly at his wayward daughter.

"Jun is going to _kill_ me…" he sighed.


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue

Exactly nine months later, Mark stood next to his raven-haired daughter as she smiled up at him.

"Are you_ sure_ this is what you want?" he asked her.

"Yes, Dad." she replied. "And I'm so happy that Mum could be here to see it."

The pair walked out into the expectant crowd, a radiant Princess smiling at the sight of her nervous groom. Jason was tugging anxiously at his powder blue tuxedo, but his face took on a look of awe as he saw his Swan.

Reluctantly placing Princess' hand into the Condor's, Mark slipped into his assigned seat next to Jun.

"Don't they make a cute couple?" Jun gushed.

"Baby… Princess looks exactly like _you_!" Mark protested.

"Yes, I know…" Jun smiled dreamily. "I always wondered what it would be like to shag a Condor…"

Mark couldn't take it anymore. He embraced Jun and kissed her passionately.

"Did I say, Condor?" Jun gasped, "What would I want with a Condor when I have such a magnificent Eagle?"

Now _this_ was the way things were supposed to be. Mark was actually able to relax as the ceremony began.

It wasn't too much longer until the minister concluded the ritual and announced that the groom should kiss his bride.

At that moment, an angry youth stormed up the aisle, brandishing a giant laser weapon.

"Die!" he screamed, as the bridal party dove for cover.

"You made my father run away!" Keyop screamed, "And now you're going to pay!"

"Damnit! I _knew_ I should have worn a transmuting wedding gown!" complained Princess.

"Well, it's a good thing that at least _one_ of us is prepared for marriage!" grinned Jason, pulling off his blue, satin bowtie.

"Tie Rang!" he cried, spinning the accessory with a flick of his wrist and throwing it expertly toward Keyop's head.

The bowtie hit its mark, and the youth slumped to the ground, moaning in pain.

"Vait! Keyop!" shouted a blond woman running up the aisle. "Zis is not vat I vanted! You need to stop!"

"Frau Mala?" cried Mark. "What are you doing here?"

The frantic woman ignored the Eagle in her attempt to reach her nephew. She grabbed his arm, but Keyop threw her hand off of his body as he used his remaining strength to aim him laser gun at the closest target… Jun.

Jun glanced down at the corsage Mark had given her. In the middle was one perfect rose. Quickly pulling the flower out, she threw it with pinpoint accuracy.

A cloud of green gas surged out of the rose's stem, overwhelming Keyop and Mala. Zoltar's sister collapsed to the floor.

Mark looked at Jun. Her eyes were shining as she threw her arms around his neck.

"You got me the _perfect_ corsage. You always know just what I need." she sighed happily. "I love you."

Mark claimed Jun's lips in a passionate kiss.

"Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?" he whispered huskily in her ear.

"Well… it_ is_ our daughter's wedding…" Jun appeared to be torn. "But maybe we could slip out for a few minutes…" she smiled invitingly at her husband.

"No… Keyop…" Mala groaned, "Don't hurt your mozer…"

Mark turned his head toward Zoltar's sister, his eyes flashing.

"_What_ did you say?" he cried.

"Brrrt… did you say… mother?" Keyop moaned hopefully.

"Yes…" Mala shook her head, trying to clear away the lingering effects of the gas. "She is your mozer… Zat is vat I vas trying to tell you ven you ran in here vaving zat gun…"

"Mother?" cried Mark in astonishment. His arms fell from Jun's waist, and he looked at his wife in disbelief.

"No… this can't be happening…" he whispered.

_Smack! _

Jun's hand had flashed out and made contact with the Eagle's cheek.

"How _dare_ you!" she cried angrily, "You actually think that I would _ever_ shag that purple-faced goon?"

"But… she said…" Mark pointed helplessly at Mala while rubbing his cheek with his other hand. Damn, that slap had hurt.

"No… you don't understand…" Mala tried to explain. "Ven Jun vas in zee hospital, giving birf to your daughter… Galaktor sent an agent to kollect a sample of her DNA… Ve thought it might be useful later…"

"Go on, Auntie Mala…" Keyop said softly. He seemed surprised, but not displeased with this turn of events.

"Ven ve created zee Doktor's son, ve needed a voman's DNA as vell… and I remembered zee Svan's sample…"

"Brrt… so… you really are… doot… my mother!" cried Keyop joyfully. "Mommy!"

The youth leapt up and ran over to Jun, gripping her tightly around the waist.

"My son…" Jun smiled, tears in her eyes.

"What kind of crazy family am I marrying into?" muttered Jason, as Princess smacked the back of his head.

"I think it's beautiful!" she sniffed.

Princess ran over to her mother and Keyop.

"I have a brother!" she exclaimed, embracing them both.

Mark came out of his shocked silence.

"I…"

Everyone turned to look at the Eagle.

"I… I'm proud to welcome you to the family, son." he said to Keyop, ruffling his hair.

The youth grinned back at him.

"Brrrt… feels great… to have… doot… a family…" he replied happily.

88888

The wedding reception had turned into a double celebration of the Eagle's newly expanded family. Mark, Jun, Jason, Princess, Keyop and Frau Mala sat together as the bridal couple opened their gifts.

"I… I haf somezink for you as vell…" Mala said to Princess. "It is a family heirloom, but I thought zat in honor of our new family…" She undid the clasp of her necklace and gently placed it into Princess' hand.

Princess looked down at the delicate gold chain, and the beautifully carved emerald pendant. It had been cut in the shape of… 7-Zark-7?

"Why, Mala!" she cried, "It's beautiful!" as she placed it around her neck. "Thank you!" she said warmly, placing a kiss on Mala's cheek.

"It vas nozink…" Mala blushed.

"I have a gift for you as well." Mark interrupted, handing a box to his daughter. "I hope… it comes in handy."

Princess tore open the beautifully wrapped package to reveal… a chastity belt. Jason's eyes flared.

"What the hell are you thinking, man?" he raged at the Eagle. "A chastity belt?"

Suddenly, the Condor began to laugh.

"Well," he drawled, "I guess it beats the Swedish Penis Enlarger that I gave _you_ as a wedding gift!"

"Swedish…" Jun looked confused, for just a moment. "Honey, you said that was a bong!"

With five pairs of eyes on him, Mark desperately looked around for a distraction.

"Uh… would anyone like some wedding cake?" he asked nervously.

"Di' someone say, _cake_?"

"Tiny!" Mark said, relieved, "In the nick of time, as always!"

"Huh… I jes wanted some cake…" the Fat Bird replied.

"Let's _all_ have some cake." added Princess, trying to ease tensions. But as everyone else got up from the table, she held the Condor back.

"And now…" she smiled, a mischievous gleam in her eye, "I think it's time we got started on our honeymoon."

"Whatever you want, Baby." Jason grinned as they slipped out of the reception hall.

"Then, let's get out of here…" Princess whispered slyly, fingering her Zark necklace and dropping it onto the grass.

The green pendant rolled and shook upon the ground. It grew bigger and bigger until it was about the size of the Phoenix minibus.

"Why… it's an escape pod!" Jason said in astonishment. "But how did you know…. ?"

"A Swan has to keep _some_ secrets…" Princess whispered alluringly, as she entered the Zark-shaped ship.

The Condor swiftly followed, tossing the chastity belt onto the ground behind him. He knew he had made the right choice in his bride.

She truly was an Intergalactic Bird of Mystery.


End file.
